_I wanted to continue this discussion regarding doing it all with four children because I had someone post a comment on my Facebook profile that said that you should always put yourself first, BEFORE your kids.  Woah!  Really?  In order to let anyone who saw that know that I disagree with this wholeheartedly, I figured I'd post a blog about it. 

The question was how do I get in "me" time?  How did I write and publish a book that took a lot of learning, research and personal experimentation in a year?  How do I fit in time for my own friends and hobbies?  They all sound like legitimate questions, don't they?  But are they really?

The premise behind questions like these is that having more children automatically means that mom sacrifices her own interests because she no longer has time for them.  Now add homeschooling on top of that and "me time" sounds impossible.  For me, accepting these assumptions became unacceptable.  It took some time and experience to realize that believing that self sacrifice is just how it is would never work for me.  I am not happy expending ALL of my time and energy for others, including my kids, because I realized I was losing "me".  Sound familiar?

Once I changed my perception, the rest started falling into place.  I'm not saying that fitting in things I'd like to do hasn't been a challenge.  But I will say that the times when it feels most challenging is when I put high and unrealistic expectations on myself.  This is easy to do when I know I have the ability accomplish a lot.  I have come to accept that there isn't any hurry! 

First and foremost, personal fulfillment in the form of friends, hobbies, and my entrepreneurial activities are just as much of a priority as my kids' needs and interests.  I realized that I don't ever want to set an example for my kids where I was bored and somehow waiting for that someday to come so I could do what I really wanted.  I also don't want them to think that the opposite is ok either.  I will never put my own interests before my children.  I believe both set a really poor example for them.

Here are some things that have helped me along the way -

There are many hours in the day!  Pay close attention to how you are spending them.  For the things you feel you "have" to do, are you doing them as efficiently as you can?  Is there a lot of wasted time?  Is there a way to be more efficient in the planning of your errands?  For example, could you do errands together with a friend you haven't seen in a while and fit in lunch while you are out?

Are you watching a lot of tv?  Are you getting the same type of satisfaction or entertainment from too many of the same type of show?  Can you let one or two go?  Can you DVR them or watch them for free on the internet at a more convenient time?

Are you spending too much nonwork time at the computer?  Are you finding yourself randomly clicking on things without a true purpose and zoning out on it for longer than you really would want to?

Get excited!!  Make a list of everything you WANT to do!  You may surprised at how many things you will be willing to let go of or do more efficiently if you knew you would then have time for something more fulfilling!  Don't forget the intangible things!  This past year I focused on having more meaningful friendships with people I wasn't afraid to be a little vulnerable with.  (That was huge for me!)  But once I set that intention, and let go of the "how," the people that were not good for my well being exited my life and I had so many more good ones enter.  The ones that stayed I was able to strengthen my relationships with.

If you want some inspiration, check out my annual blog Liberal Arts Living II.  I already have a list of things that I am working on for my next annual blog and it is so much fun!

_I am usually pretty shy about a certain part of my life because I know how judgmental people can be when they don't understand that psychic ability is in fact real.  Some people think that it means you are either omniscient and if you aren't, and no one is, you are full of baloney.  It doesn't work that way and I do have to tell you I am my own worst critic when it comes to it.  I have moments of blaming myself for not seeing something coming or misreading someone's character. 

The other day, I was going through some self doubt due to a very difficult situation I was dealing with with someone I had believed was a friend.  It was such an awkward situation that I was doubting my intuition was even working anymore.  In fact, this was the second time in only a few months that I completely and utterly misjudged the integrity of someone.  I know I am digressing from my usual theme but I have a "night in the life of me" story I wanted to share that relates to all of this.  It was a big lesson about paying attention to synchronicities.  This is just one of a few that happened on this particular night.

My husband and I decided to go out just a couple of nights ago to see some live music.  In fact it was my son's guitar teacher's band again.  After we go out that late, we usually stop into one particular diner for a bite to eat before heading home.  We decided to make this the plan for the night.

We walked into the music venue and the band was just about finished with their first set so we took a seat at the bar.  There was a stool empty and just enough room to fit in another next to it so my husband went over to a table and grabbed another one.  A couple of minutes later the people who were occupying the seats next to us came to sit down and I heard one of them mutter "Oh, he wasn't sitting anyway."  So I turned, half out of my stool, and asked if I took their seat.  The lady leaned over and told me I could have it since they kept getting up to dance. 

I ended up chatting with her for a while and it turns out that she is the same age is I am.  Coincidence number one.  She has kids between the ages of five and fourteen, like I do.  Coincidence number two.  Then she went on to tell me that she works at the diner we like to go to after our late nights out.  And there's coincidence number three!  When things start to align like that I tend to really listen to the conversation I have with someone.  I have found that there is always something I need to learn.

My husband was leaning over listening to the conversation and piped in when she said where she worked.  He gave me a look, smirked and mentioned a particular server that I had a really strong intuitive hit with the last time we saw him.  He was friendly, clean cut, happy and really good at his job.  There was no indication that there was anything off about him and yet, as he walked away from the table, I told my husband that I didn't feel good about him at all.  In fact, it scared me a little.  Of course my husband asked what I meant.  For me, those kind of hits are sometimes really hard to put into words but I said that if he didn't have this job he'd lose it and I didn't mean literally lose his job either.  I went into more detail than that but I don't feel comfortable sharing it here.  That particular night I had had a couple of drinks so my filters were off and my husband heard detail that I normally wouldn't even be open to.  I also don't make a habit of running around "reading" people.  That's just too exhausting, way too much information for me and just plain rude.

So what was this woman's answer about the guy? 

Her next comments not only proved to me that there's nothing wrong with my psychic antennae but were exactly what I needed to hear to quell any self doubt I was having.  She said they had to fire him.  He started sneaking in the bathroom during work hours to do drugs.  He would come out and could barely speak or stand.  They really wanted to give him a chance so they actually rehired him a few times but he ended up doing the same thing.  As for the rest of my "read" on him, I really hope someone diverted him from the path I saw him on at the time.

The synchronistic events of the night, I don't believe, were any accident.  I got exactly the validation I needed to let me know that I'm as spot on as ever.  It allowed me to let go of feeling responsible for not forseeing someone who I had cared about doing something that was completely against the type of integrity that I hold dear.  I also wanted to share my experience with you as an important reminder to pay attention to events like that.  Notice when details line up that are just a little too coincidental.  They are most likely there to get your attention!

_I have been doing some site redesign and recategorization of my blogs to make it easier for you to access some the older ones a little more efficiently.  In the meantime, I wanted to start reposting some of my older blogs that I thought you may enjoy.  This post was one of my first from, March 12, 2010.  I thought would be a great one to share with you today!
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Have you ever had an ongoing issue with your child that you were having a hard time figuring out?  Have you asked people’s opinions regarding your issue and none of their suggestions feel right?  Have you spent time searching for information through books and other resources for ideas and even tried some of what was suggested and it still didn’t solve your problem?  I have a feeling almost everyone can say yes to at least one of these questions.  Have you considered that the reason you are not getting the answer that works for you is because you are looking for it outside of yourself?

The first thing you need to realize that you already know the answer to any of the challenges you are having with your child.  You are the expert when it comes to your child. You just need to learn to get out of your own way.  We tend to rely on experts with credentials way too much.  While the experts can help you, make you see things from different perspectives and even offer solutions that may work, only you know if any of them is worth giving a try.  Experts should never be overly relied on because you can end up ignoring your own intuition and when you do that, you risk losing your connection with your child.  You let yourself become the parent that others give you the advice to be and not the parent you know your kids already need.  Many of you will say “I don’t know what kind of parent my child needs right now.”  I believe feeling that way only comes from fear.  What you need to do at that point is to reconnect with your own voice and your own inner wisdom.

I found that the best and quickest way to reconnect with your inner wisdom is to take a few moments to write down questions you would ask an “expert” about the issue.  Write your question down as completely as you can, read it to yourself, then think how you would answer the question as if someone else were asking you.  Don’t filter what your response would be out of fear.  Your only filter should be that of love.  If your child is being particularly difficult, which may make this exercise harder for you, try closing your eyes and picturing a memory you have of when your child was very young, where you were having a great time, laughing and having fun.  Then open your eyes and re-read your question.  You may not get the entire solution at one sitting and that’s ok.  You should at least have an idea of what to do just for today.  The answers you give yourself may surprise you.

___I happened to come across this blog post from a friend on Facebook the other day.  Although it's much longer than posts I usually read, it resonated with me and my own evolution when it came to my kids' television viewing.  I'll let what Vanessa wrote speak for itself!  Enjoy!

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Januray 13, 2012

It's peanut butter jelly time!

My circles run pretty crunchy these days so it has been a somewhat lonely adventure, this tv thing. In fact I think I may know more people that do not own a tv than do. But I think many of my friends are curious, so I figured I'd share our experience with television.

I could write a pretty decent essay with awesome references to scientific studies. I went to school for that. I loved it! But there is no study being done on a family like mine, and even if there were, there are so many components to real life that just can't be accounted for. I'm slowly losing my faith in statistics. It's so crushing for a gal like me to realize the world does not fit into neat and tidy boxes.  So I'm gonna just share my own personal journey.

I grew up religious and worried about guarding my heart and senses from worldly material, not because my mom forbid it but because my religion did. I outgrew that but nevertheless I also grew up not watching much tv or listening to music. I'd suck at trivial pursuit unless it was a Bible question. I miss all the references to Saved by the Bell. But given the option to have a tv I could care less if we didn't own one. As a teen my parents even put one in my room. All access any time. I rarely watched it. Once I moved out with my cousin we had two channels. I never missed it. So that's my background. I could easily take it or leave it. Actually I grew to love a quiet house and would prefer to leave it. If I were the only person in the house to contend with that is.

So when I married my husband. . .

Now, Nate, he LOVES tv. He told me once he'd rather eat rocks than cancel our cable. He was for real. So trying to protect my childred from the evils of television proved to be futile. And then I realized it wasn't so evil. I even wrote about it two years ago here. But gosh darn, doesn't a good parent at least restrict things their kids aren't mature enough for?

And so for a few years I did have some limits. Nothing racy (only little kids stuff) and not too much a day. I was quick to blame the tv for bad behavior and frustrated at the thought my kid might prefer tv to that wonderful outdoor play. But it was around, and it wasn't completely corrupting my child.

And then came my venture into unschooling. Radical unschooling at that. And I figured it was time for an adventure. Eventually I lifted all restrictions on tv time. My four year old could watch whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Clarification: whenever Nate wasn't watching. And then, since Nate watches hours and hours of football on Sunday, I found a $10 tv on craigslist to put in his room so he could watch dvds of his favorite shows instead.

And I was worried. And a bit embarrassed when a friend might see that second tv in a child's bedroom. Scared I may be encouraging laziness and consumerism.

And for months we watched hours and hours of tv. We learned about super heroes. We watched every super hero show on cartoon network and the hub. I dvr'd things I thought he might like. I bought him books, costumes, and toys about super heroes. I played super hero games with him. And I sat next to him as we watched even more tv.

And then one day, as I listed the shows available, he became bored with tv. The next day it wasn't even turned on. The next day either. And we went outside per his request and played. Twice. Then finally it rained and we turned it on and he asked to watch Dino Dan instead. And after Dino Dan he wanted to play more. And play and play and play.  And the next day, no tv again and just more requests to play. And our tv binge was finally over.

I don't think tv is done forever. We've learned that tv is fun, interesting, and incredibly inspirational. It's an awesome resource. I'm sure there will be another subject that we discover and I'll fill our DVR and Netflix que with tons more stuff. But for now he's full. He's satiated. Despite what others might think, a four year old is actually capable of "regulating" himself. Even during our highest tv watching days, there was still plenty of playing and doing, whether in front of the tv or not. When he's done, he doesn't take another bite.

So here are some myths and fears this experiement dispelled for me:

1. Children will only regurgitate shows in their play.

Maybe they will if they are limited to very few shows or movies. Children process through play. Sometimes a theme will show up that Vinny saw but it almost always morphes into his own scene. Transformers pair up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and GI Joes go to birthday parties and bad guys are frequently rehabilitated, often promising to not to do bad things anymore so they can be "friends."

2. It turns my child a zombie.

It may seem that way, if they are really focused or maybe tired but that's not a bad thing. When Vinny is captivated, it's because he is really interested. Occasionally he zones out but he's a pretty intense guy emotionally. He needs lots of downtime away from people and this is a pretty sweet situation where he can be mellow and still learn a bunch. Though he gets plenty of opportunities to sleep and relax so zoning out is rare.

3. It makes them violent.

On the contrary. Shows like Batman and GI Joes has not only introduced us to weapons but have provided ample material for conversations on ethics and appropriate situations and ways to use weapons both real and pretend. My son knows to always get an adult if he ever sees a gun and how to wield a foam sword without hitting anyone in the face.

4. It turns them into buyers.

When Vinny discovered commercials, he did want every single toy. And I even bought a few things that he requested. Even the crappy stuff. He quickly picked up that the ads often were different than real deal. He became a savvy consumer, recognizing a "cheap" item from one with better play value. He also learned to trust his mama's advice when I say, "that's a toy that will probably break or get boring quickly."  And there has been a few times, I've been proven wrong. That a cheap crappy toy turns out to be totally worth buying because it's so fun! Did I mention he's also taught himself to fast forward through the commercials?

5. It causes naughty behavior.

I loved blaming bad behavior on tv. In hindsight it wasn't the tv. If Vinny acts up it's usually because he's tired or restless. As a growing boy he loves physicality above all else. If I don't find ways to incorporate than into rainy days home, he will. Sometimes his way of "excercising" involves couch jumping, or fighting his brother. A detour to jump together on our little indoor trampoline or a dance party are ALWAYs accepted. There is a good reason why. And it's not the tv's fault. If he were reading or painting or driving around in a carseat for hours a day, he'd still need to move. And as a kid who sometimes would forget to eat if he gets caught up in his playing, that's where my job as a mom kicks in. To take from his cues and help him meet his needs.

6. It's a bad influence.

My kids do pick up on slang and learn quite a bit about things I haven't introduced. For the most part it's things we don't often see in daily life, like surfing or tumble weeds. Sometimes I'll hear a word like "stupid" get tested. Why am I not worried about this? Because as his best source of reliable information he trusts me over the tv. I really am his biggest influence in life.

And when I'm no longer, I trust that he'll have a good foundation of having made plenty of choices with support. If I see something questionable arise either on screen or in person we discuss it. In the simplest terms I can. And if it's something gets too dark or racy, I'll tell him that it's meant for grown ups or teenagers or may be inappropriate for his age. He already knows that he doesn't like scary things or shows that get too emotional and has yet to protest. And if he did, I'd make sure to stay close and watch him watching. Keep a eye on what he's taking in. Does it seem like it's confusing him? Bothering him? And then we'd most likely find out in play.

7. It reduces creativity.

This one kills me. Anyone who knows Vinny or has read this blog can see that couldn't be farther from the truth. If anything it has promoted it.


I've already written a saga here but the next few bullets are imperative. My guidelines so to speak. Here is why I think our experiment was so successful. Enough to hand the remote over again.

1. We use common sense.

Vinny had free reign to choose shows but having some life experience I would disclose if I thought something might be too scary. He's quite sensitive to emotional stuff. Climaxes in movies are the worst. Toy Story 3 was quite the cry fest and he put a stop to movies for a solid year after. Even now I will encourage him to  try a movie I think he'll love and pause or turn it at any time. So I would not tune into Friday the 13th and expect all to be well. I  don't use the tv free zone to watch whatever I want. Housewives of Beverly Hills doesn't get turned on until after bedtime. I also have noticed he likes some of the older shows because they are less realistic (Adam West Batman anyone?), so I've helped him find some of those on dvds.

2.  I watch with him.

Not every single show every time, but I am familiar with his shows and make a huge effort to watch shows he watches for the first time, as well as check in regularly so I know what's going on. If an idea enters our play, I like knowing where it might be coming from. But more importantly I use tv to connect with him. A thing we do with each other vs something I use to get things done. And I've found I genuinely enjoy many of his shows.  In fact I'd go as far as saying it has given our whole family new ways to make connections with each other. Turns out Vinny loves 80's cartoons, the very same ones Nate did!

3. I actively create a rich home environment.

There are beaucoups of things to do here. From toys to crafts there is no shortage of possibilities. Not only does having a lot of toys and craft supplies make for impromptu nunchuck making, but also allows us to jump right into some rich play experience.

4. I'm aware of my own baggage with tv and keep it my own.

Like I shared before, I have my own story. I want Vinny to create his and to do it in a healthier way. I have a lot of influence and my disapproving attitude could have easily manifiested into something negative between him and I.

I love this quote:

As a child I was taught that fashion and all it entails was "wordly" and that Barbie stuff promoted low self esteem. Baloney! What promoted low self esteem was being told my interests weren't worthy.- Ren Allen

I really think this quote gets to the heart of what parents get wrong. My mom was always a super supportive lady but her subtle comments on a shirt she thought was too flashy because it had too many colors really impacted my future decisions. I don't think it was a coincidence that I spent many years in early adulthood buying monochromatic jackets and sweaters. Maybe I was just too sensitive but I'm taking that experiece to mean, my lack of trust, even in minor things, is a really big deal. And TV is no exception.

5. We stay home a lot.

My kids are little and need lots of downtime. Time to play and time to pursue interests. Time to be bored and time to veg. If we are going from activity to activity, they'd have to prioritize and it's possible that tv or video games would bump outdoor play or dramatic play down. I don't know how much that would matter but I do know right now we have plenty of time to do all of their favorite things. Perhaps when they are older they will choose to do these things and the balance will shift. And school would probably take away quite a bit of that precious time. But I'm getting way ahead of myself. . . Right now we ample of time to play, socialize and you guessed it, watch tv.

So in conclusion, I didn't start off as a tv person and even advocated to be a tv free family. But it never felt right, trying to take away something my child and husband loved. And I went with it. It has really worked out for us. And I don't think it would be so unique to my family. I'm not encouraging others to drop all limits but I do hope if tv is something rationed and controlled by the grown ups to at least think about why that is. I'm not saying that what worked for us would work for others or whether all my bullet points would transfer the same, but I am saying that it's something worth thinking about if you are talking to others about those "myths" as facts, especially without your own experiment. I certainly expected to be proven right and I turned out to be completely wrong.

I really do feel that patience, a lot of involvement and trust has paid off in a big way for my family. I think if I had been more controlling about tv I would have missed a major opportunity to get to know and connect with Vinny. And while there are plenty of other things to connect over, tv is one that has really counted.

Here are some excellent pro tv articles that inspired me to take the plunge:

This one is my all time favorite and has been super true for us

http://sandradodd.com/t/economics

This one is a plethora of fun tv thoughts

http://sandradodd.com/tv

And this one hits the core of the matter. The connection with out children.

http://sandradodd.com/t/sharing

Joyce's site is similar to Sandra Dodd's but with a different flavor, all her tv stuff is on the left.

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/tv%20and%20video%20games/argumentsagainsttv.html

This one is a bit off topic, touching on book worship but same general vicinity:

http://www.jennifermcgrail.com/category/unschooling/

This one is another book one for shits and giggles, (for the record I LOVE books! Just ask Nate):

http://www.theonion.com/articles/books-dont-take-you-anywhere,827/

And here are a few books on the top of my to be read pile, no review except it proves there are two sides to every argument with tons of scientific references:

http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Bad-Good-You-Actually/dp/1573223077/ref=wl_it_dp_o_npd?ie=UTF8&coliid=IFQ26ZFHT6YGW&colid=24RAKP04BM9EP

http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Monsters-Children-Make-Believe-Violence/dp/0465036961/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326426495&sr=1-1


Vanessa is mom to four year old Vinny and 2 year old Rocky. She lives with her husband Nate outside of Boston in a magical yellow house. Since they made the decision to skip preschool she documents the time they spend learning through play so on her blog http://bonboneater.typepad.com/bon_bon_eater/

It sounds like an impossible task to live in a neat house when you are a family of six and all of us are home.  As you know, my four kids are homeschooled.  My husband also has a home office.  When everyone is home it does mean more dishes, more clutter and more messes.  When we aren't home, just as much mess is created in prepping things to bring with us when we leave, such as food for all of us and bags of things to keep the kids occupied or toys to share with friends.  It also means a lot of laundry!  It sounds undo-able.

It's not!  Although it has changed a bit since I took the photo, that is a photo of our art and music room.  As you can gather, I also don't live in a small house so keeping all rooms from becoming dumping grounds can definitely be a challenge.

I need things to be neat, clean and at least mostly organized to function.  For me, a clean house allows me to think more clearly.  Visual clutter is also mental clutter.  Try this... Notice the thoughts that run through your mind when you walk into a room.  Notice what catches your eye.  I'll bet you'll notice that you do have mental clutter because of any physical clutter - it comes in the form of a fleeting mental note of "I really should wipe that paint off the wall." and "What kind of grit did I just step on?"  Because of this, if things get out of hand, I feel myself shut down and want to escape to a clean room.  If my energy is low, once in a while I do just that.  But knowing it's still there waiting for me doesn't let me relax long and makes me more anxious.

So how does it all get done?  My kids do not have chores.  My husband does not have a "honey do" list to look forward to every Saturday.  We have company on a regular basis and there is no way I would let someone in my house if it weren't clean because I like to make my guests feel welcome and comfortable.  Neither of us have an OCD issue with cleanliness and we know better than to have inappropriately high expectations of just how clean everything is.  So how do we do it?  It sounds a little crazy but we take it one day at a time.  Between my husband and I, the kitchen is always cleaned up by the end of the day.  We only let the clutter get to a certain point before we pick it up, but we do try to keep up with it every day. 

My kids are also most comfortable and creative when things are clean.  Even though they don't have chores, they do help out.  How many fourteen year old boys do you know notice that mom is out in the garden moving a dirt pile and decides to grab a shovel to help out?  Mine does!  His siblings notice and join in too!  Sure, one or two of them at any one time will go through a phase where they just don't feel like helping, but it passes and they help again.  If I see that one of the kids isn't busy, I ask for help if I need it and most of the time they do what I ask without giving me attitude.  I know that forcing it on them will just backfire.  If they aren't driven to do it themselves by an internal feeling of satisfaction, then they won't follow through.

They key for us is that we have a lot of little habits that only take minutes and are a normal part of our day.  All of the little habits add up to help keep our house clean.  Here are some simple steps that have worked for us:

Don't go upstairs empty handed. Same goes for going downstairs or just going from one room to another.

Never go to bed with a sink full of dirty dishes.

Shoes come off at the door.

While waiting for something to cook, wipe down an appliance or clean off a shelf in the fridge.

Make a goal of one load of laundry per day.

Do a nightly floor check where dirty clothes are picked up and thrown in the hampers.

Mail is sorted literally the moment it comes in the door and is done next to the trashcan.  Don't even open the junk mail!

... I could list a lot more but you get the idea.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and would love some action steps to take to get yourself and your family on the way to being more organized, I have a great site to help get you started.  Visit FlyLady.net!  I would suggest that you take it slow and pick out a few things that resonate with you and go from there.  Even if you don't like all of the suggestions, you are sure to find ones that will work for you.

Being a busy homeschooling mom of four kids, the question I get asked most often is how do I do it all.  Most recently it was my friend Melanie who brought it up at our knitting day.  I realized that when someone asks me that I always tell them the same thing:  "One day at a time!"  That's the simple answer.  The real answer is a little more complicated. 

As I have mentioned before, all of my kids are very, very different.  My fourteen year old has had some strong interests that have been the same for a long time.  He is very social, loves acting, Dungeons and Dragons, video games, anything Anime, including drawing, has an interest in Japanese culture, is learning to play guitar, reads a lot, loves learning about anything to do with history and science (which explains the steampunk fascination sparked by our attendance of Anime Boston this past year) and the list goes on but those have been his main focuses for a while.  He really would love to travel and see some ancient historical sites someday. 

My eleven year old loves seeing how things are made and has had me writing down his invention ideas in a journal.  He is definitely a technology kid and likes coming up with ideas to solve problems.  He is already better at navigating his computer than I am!  He also loves making and altering recipes, has a fascination with geology and nature, loves online gaming with his friends and building with Legos. 

My eight year old has a very vivid imagination.  Just like his brothers, he also loves video games.  His most recent fascination is watching YouTube videos people have made relating to the games he enjoys playing.  He loves it so much that he asked for, and received, his own video camera for Christmas so he can record videos for his own YouTube channel.  He also loves swimming, going to the beach and visiting with his friends.

My five year old has loved horses from the time she started speaking!  She is also loves to dance, sing, paint, can hand sew already and loves being outside.  The most recent things she has discovered is Minecraft and a love for anything zombie related!

These are my short lists of their interests and as you can see there isn't a lot overlap!  Even though their personalities are just as different as their interests, they are very close to each other.

Logistically, as far as seeing that they can pursue their interests, I will admit it isn't always easy.  For example, I can't always just jump in the car and drag all of the kids to go antique store, steampunk supply, treasure hunting with my oldest.  There is a lot of compromise and working things out.  Sometimes that has meant bringing one of the kids to a class somewhere and figuring out a way to entertain the other three while we wait.  Sometimes it means that my husband and I need to split our efforts between the two of us.  One of us goes one way on a Saturday with a kid or two and one of us goes the other.  While most of our vacations have been taken together as a family, we have also planned trips where my husband took two of the kids to LegoLand in California or to New York City so they can get the most out of it.  While we take it one day at a time, it takes some foresight and planning.  We figure out what is best for us as a family as well as what best individually as we go along.

As you can see it's not an easy answer to a simple question!  If you would like me to elaborate more about anything above, don't hesitate to ask.  I have decided to make my next several blogs related to this topic.  The other questions I have received have been about handling personality differences and how my husband and I manage to pursue our own interests as well.  If there are any other questions, be sure to submit them!

I wanted to sit down today and not only take my last blog, My wish for the New Year!, a step further but somehow tie it into how I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, as I touched upon in Why Spring is the best time for Resolutions of Renewal.  Well as synchronicity always seems to work for me, a newsletter I subscribe to arrived in my inbox today that mirrored the sentiments of what I wanted you all to consider for 2012 instead.  It also just so happens that I was discussing with my husband how I want to start sharing with all of you who some of the most influential and inspiring people are in my life.  This newsletter just happens to be from one of those people.

John Holland is the most gifted yet humble and down to earth psychic mediums I have ever had the pleasure of seeing in person.  I would not recommend him if I weren't 100% sure that he is for real.  I don't want to go into how he works and how deserved his reputation is.  What I did want to do is direct you to his latest newsletter which I know you will all enjoy immensely!

After reading it do visit his website, which I will list below, subscribe to his newsletter, which never disappoints and check out his calendar of events.  Bringing this entire blog full circle, one of the first blogs I wrote was after I went to the event he did with Brian Weiss in Boston.  (I see he is doing the event again this spring so register while you still can!)  You can read those blogs too if you haven't already:  The Psychic Housewife - Yep, that's what she called me! and part two Dr. Brian Weiss and John Holland in Boston


Here is an excerpt - please follow the link to read it on his site in its entirety:

     FINDING YOUR TRIBE IN 2012 by John Holland

     Happy New Year!

     Starting off the New Year, I didn’t want to write a newsletter about resolutions. I wanted to begin 2012 in the hope that
     you’ll find a group of link-minded people you resonate with. A group where the relationships are all about sharing, giving,
     and receiving energetically from each other.

     People who travel a spiritual path or who are just being awakened spiritually often find it difficult to follow their
     souls’ path alone; some people feel like they are the different one in their family or different from some of the people
     that are in their lives now. What do I truly mean by different? Let me try to explain.


To keep reading go to the web version of his newsletter :-)  Also visit John's website and register for his newsletter!

A lot of you have asked what we have been up to and have had a bunch of homeschooling questions.  I will have to get to answering them another day. 

Today, I wanted to keep it simple.  A friend of mine posted this on Facebook and I thought it was a perfect thing to share.

Here is my wish for all of you this year...
(And if any of you can find who originally wrote this, do let me know!)

"Surround yourself with people who make you happy.  People who make you laugh, who help you when you're in need.  People who would never take advantage of you.  People who genuinely care.  They are the ones worth keeping in your life.  Everyone else is just passing through."

If you can do what it says above then your contentment will radiate and make you one of those people described above. 
You in turn will make others happy. 
You will then never take advantage of others; even inadvertently. 
You will then be someone who genuinely cares.

.... And all of this will happen not because it was contrived but because that is who you are and how you live.

I know people love to say treat others as you want to be treated but sometimes that really doesn't work.  That has been a tough lesson for me to learn.  If you get stuck knowing you didn't deserve to be treated a certain way because you treated someone else better, then you are owning someone else's issue.  You make yourself a victim. 

What I have learned is that if you are truly happy then people who don't treat you well turn out to be nothing more than a blip on the radar.  Even if they upset you, it's momentary.  Your default will be to be happy :-)  It all starts with gratitude for the people that do make your life richer through their presence.  Being aware of them and thankful for them is where it all starts.

I wish you all a safe and Happy New Year!!

I have a very special offer that I want to share with all of my blog followers:  For the next twelve days, I am offering my book at a discount!  (If you aren't sure which book I am talking about, and the story behind it, you can visit my blog titled The Results of Our Herbal Learning from a year ago.)  You can get my book for only $9.95 which will be signed by me and shipped for free!!  I am also offering free gift wrap if you want to ship it directly to friends and family!  To order, please visit The Herbal Beverage Book site.  Happy Holidays!!

I am grateful to have the freedom to homeschool our children and help them learn different things on an ongoing basis.  Our most recent experience with this has been in the area of music. 

As my longtime readers know, we are a pretty musical family.  (If you are a new subscriber, here are a couple of my husband's band's music videos that I have shared before -

Adrenaline Addiction
Under Pressure - Cover

Each of our kids have had varying degrees of musical interest.   They have the opportunity to play with various instruments we have around the house – a piano, my old flute, smaller sized electric and acoustic guitars and a full size drum kit.  Our youngest likes to sing and needs her own microphone if she’s hanging with us when we practice.  Our oldest had expressed interest in taking piano lessons when he was about seven.  He has also performed on stage in musical productions.  Recently, he has been expressing interest in learning how to play the guitar.

Now you would think this would be a no-brainer.  We bought him his own electric guitar and mounted a hangar for it on the wall in his room.  We set him up with some video lessons and a couple of basic books to refer to.  On top of that we figured since my husband has been playing guitar for so long and I have some classical guitar lessons behind me, we’d have it covered.  That all makes sense, right?  We were so wrong!

We were assuming he’d just jump right in, be motivated to do it and ask us for help if he needed it.  Weeks went by and the guitar hadn’t been touched more than a few times.  When I asked him if he liked the video lessons he said he did but I still didn’t see right away why he just wasn’t running with it if he really wanted to play. 

After some consideration, I realized we apparently forgot that with some things he really enjoys learning through direct interaction.  It turns out that this would be one of those things!  The videos just weren’t interactive enough and couldn’t replace an in-person human teacher for him.  I also realized that just because we are musicians doesn’t automatically mean we know how to break it down simply enough for a beginner to learn without getting frustrated; not to say we didn’t try!  We had a bit of our own egos to swallow to admit this but once we did, it was easy to figure out the next step. 

My husband and I enjoy going out to see live bands and have started to get to know who’s who locally.  We discovered that one of the guitarists we have seen live that we liked just happened to also offer lessons.  We signed him up and he is doing really well.  While we understood that it is most important that the teacher not only enjoys playing the type of music he wants to play and can play it well, it is just important that he must be someone that our son enjoys learning from.   Thankfully we chose right!