At a time when people seem to be obsessed with experts, how do you become your own?  It takes time and focus but it can be done.  Depending on how much effort you put into it, it can even be life changing.

First, you need to know yourself and be honest with yourself.  Have you ever followed someone else’s advice that didn’t feel right but you pushed through it anyway?  You need to really FEEL your truth not just talk yourself into someone else’s.  That is one of the most common ways that I have seen people do something that they really knew wasn’t best for them.  They ignored their inner truth and thought that having a positive outlook would make everything all better.  Don’t fake it!  If you have ideals and goals that are important to you, don’t let anyone talk you out of them.

You need to be patient with yourself and check in with yourself often.  If you can be in the habit of constantly checking in with yourself you can make course corrections as you go along.  Have you ever had an experience where you realized you made a big mistake, corrected it and then realized that you had little signs along the way but you ignored them?  Correcting the little mistakes along the way is a lot easier than trying to fix a big one at a much later time.  Unfortunately, a big fix often results in people making that big mistake all over again because they don’t go back and do the work on themselves regarding the whys and hows of the little things they kept ignoring.

You need to take responsibility for yourself and not do only what feels good to you in the moment.  For some, doing what feels good in the moment means ignoring or running away from the problem.  People turn to un-parenting, divorce, quitting their job, keeping unsupportive friends, etc. often when what they really need to do is find a way to work on what got them there in the first place.  The urge to fix something is only too easy to satisfy.  You have heard “Wherever you go, there you are.”  Running away or pretending it doesn’t exist by shutting down is not going to fix anything.

You need to be open to being wrong.  Now this doesn’t mean you need to be self-deprecating by sharing every mistake you make with the world.  It just means allowing yourself to be imperfect.  You are allowed to change your mind!  Sometimes you can’t see the big picture yet.  When you start seeing where things are going you can make adjustments along the way.  Sometimes you need to feel your way into a new point of view.  Don’t pressure yourself into finding the perfect solution now.  It will most likely evolve.

The one thing I ALWAYS go back to when I talk to anyone about this topic, is to keep focusing, and refocusing, on what you want.  Sometimes that’s a moving target.  You may realize that what you thought you wanted isn’t really what you truly want on the way there.  It’s ok to change your mind and retune it.  Don’t force yourself to get there but do at least one thing every day that will help you keep you moving in that direction.

Becoming your own expert doesn’t happen overnight.  You can’t take a course and become certified.  You have to make the commitment to yourself to do it.  You need to become extremely self-aware.  I also want you to understand that in the process you will be slowly redefining your relationships, but if done authentically and patiently there is no reason that the shifts that take place can’t be positive ones.

. . . . . . .

_ I originally published this a year ago.  I wanted to pull it up and repost it since I have had so many new subscribers since then!  Enjoy!
--------------------------------------------------------
I want to be very clear to all of you about something.  I am not, or ever intend to be a self proclaimed or "ordained by society" parenting expert.  I am only here to write about my experiences in an effort to share what has worked and hasn’t worked for me.  If you can gain a different perspective or see an idea you’d like to try, then great!  If you completely disagree with anything I say or believe that nothing I share has any benefit to you other than the fact that you know you don’t want to do things the way I have, then that is just as perfect.  Either way I don’t feel like I am wasting my time here.  Everything I share is solely my opinion and my viewpoint and I am not here to seek validation.

So here’s for my opinion part:  I believe parenting is a process, just like any other relationship, but often more complex because we each have a unique perspective regarding who our children are, how they learn, what their personality traits are as well as what their strengths are.  I believe you betray your relationship with your child when you parent in a way that doesn’t feel completely right to you.  I’m not saying that you can’t try different things to see if they work for you but what I am talking about is adopting a parenting “method” that you feel coerced into or uncomfortable with for any reason.

I believe the most effective and quickest way of disconnecting from your kids can happen through adopting a new parenting style that is not grounded in the relationship you desire to have with your kids just because you read a book or took a seminar.  If it doesn’t feel right to you right now, don’t do it.  Also if you are considering a new parenting style, be sure you have conversations with people who have already tried it.  And I am not talking about those that have very young ones that have been doing it only for a few months.  Talk to as many people as you can to get the full picture from those that have done it for at least a few years.  These are the people that can tell you the pros and cons, what worked and what didn’t – not someone who decided that their way is the right way and who is interested in either self promoting or who wants others to do what they are doing because they need the validation.

Self-proclaimed or society-ordained “gurus” are probably the biggest offenders for undermining your parenting.  They most often give the worst kind of advice because many, at a certain point, start adopting a god-complex and act as if they have all of the answers for you.  Sometimes self-promoters don’t always have the healthiest intentions in doing what they do.  Don’t give your power away to them and let their opinions rule your life or make you feel guilty in any way.  Especially the ones that do go out of their way to make snide or passive aggressive comments about parents “like you” in order to manipulate you to feel like you are the one missing something. While you don’t always have to dismiss them completely don’t let their strict definitions constrict your life.  Take what may help you and ignore the rest.

I don’t believe in deciding what is right for other parents especially since parenting has a tendency to expose people’s vulnerabilities at times.  When parents feel unsure of themselves and vulnerable (and we all do at one time or another) they are more apt to be taken advantage of by unscrupulous people who need to feel that what they are doing is the right way, so they proselytize and gain followers.  (Isn’t that what cultists do?)  I refuse to do that or endorse anyone else who does.  I parent through being connected to my kids.  If you can find a way to do that through your own unique parenting style, which will most likely be different than mine in more ways than one, then you are on the right track.

Above all, I believe that you need to find your own style that works for you and your kids.  If you don’t feel right about certain aspects of your relationship with your kids, stop making things more complicated than they need to be by looking elsewhere for answers all the time.  You need to take responsibility.  I know for some parents, it’s more frightening to take responsibility than to run through a list of everything they “tried” and then be able to blame everyone else, or worse, their child, when none of those things worked.

Our kids are not from a different species than we are.  They are not pets and we don't need to pick up a book to learn more about them.  It is much more simple.  You need to remember what it was like to BE a kid, without projecting your own childhood “stuff” on them, and you need to always be focused on how much you love them.  If you try something and it doesn’t work don’t be bitter and hold onto blame.  You chose to do it and simply ignored your own reservations or didn’t get enough of the full story before you tried it.  Everything will have pros and cons for you and only you can determine what those are not matter how anyone else presents their viewpoint.  You have the power to find what works best for you!

_I wanted to continue this discussion regarding doing it all with four children because I had someone post a comment on my Facebook profile that said that you should always put yourself first, BEFORE your kids.  Woah!  Really?  In order to let anyone who saw that know that I disagree with this wholeheartedly, I figured I'd post a blog about it. 

The question was how do I get in "me" time?  How did I write and publish a book that took a lot of learning, research and personal experimentation in a year?  How do I fit in time for my own friends and hobbies?  They all sound like legitimate questions, don't they?  But are they really?

The premise behind questions like these is that having more children automatically means that mom sacrifices her own interests because she no longer has time for them.  Now add homeschooling on top of that and "me time" sounds impossible.  For me, accepting these assumptions became unacceptable.  It took some time and experience to realize that believing that self sacrifice is just how it is would never work for me.  I am not happy expending ALL of my time and energy for others, including my kids, because I realized I was losing "me".  Sound familiar?

Once I changed my perception, the rest started falling into place.  I'm not saying that fitting in things I'd like to do hasn't been a challenge.  But I will say that the times when it feels most challenging is when I put high and unrealistic expectations on myself.  This is easy to do when I know I have the ability accomplish a lot.  I have come to accept that there isn't any hurry! 

First and foremost, personal fulfillment in the form of friends, hobbies, and my entrepreneurial activities are just as much of a priority as my kids' needs and interests.  I realized that I don't ever want to set an example for my kids where I was bored and somehow waiting for that someday to come so I could do what I really wanted.  I also don't want them to think that the opposite is ok either.  I will never put my own interests before my children.  I believe both set a really poor example for them.

Here are some things that have helped me along the way -

There are many hours in the day!  Pay close attention to how you are spending them.  For the things you feel you "have" to do, are you doing them as efficiently as you can?  Is there a lot of wasted time?  Is there a way to be more efficient in the planning of your errands?  For example, could you do errands together with a friend you haven't seen in a while and fit in lunch while you are out?

Are you watching a lot of tv?  Are you getting the same type of satisfaction or entertainment from too many of the same type of show?  Can you let one or two go?  Can you DVR them or watch them for free on the internet at a more convenient time?

Are you spending too much nonwork time at the computer?  Are you finding yourself randomly clicking on things without a true purpose and zoning out on it for longer than you really would want to?

Get excited!!  Make a list of everything you WANT to do!  You may surprised at how many things you will be willing to let go of or do more efficiently if you knew you would then have time for something more fulfilling!  Don't forget the intangible things!  This past year I focused on having more meaningful friendships with people I wasn't afraid to be a little vulnerable with.  (That was huge for me!)  But once I set that intention, and let go of the "how," the people that were not good for my well being exited my life and I had so many more good ones enter.  For the ones that stayed I was able to strengthen my relationships with.

If you want some inspiration, check out my annual blog Liberal Arts Living II.  I already have a list of things that I am working on for my next annual blog and it is so much fun!

Being a busy homeschooling mom of four kids, the question I get asked most often is how do I do it all.  Most recently it was my friend Melanie who brought it up at our knitting day.  I realized that when someone asks me that I always tell them the same thing:  "One day at a time!"  That's the simple answer.  The real answer is a little more complicated. 

As I have mentioned before, all of my kids are very, very different.  My fourteen year old has had some strong interests that have been the same for a long time.  He is very social, loves acting, Dungeons and Dragons, video games, anything Anime, including drawing, has an interest in Japanese culture, is learning to play guitar, reads a lot, loves learning about anything to do with history and science (which explains the steampunk fascination sparked by our attendance of Anime Boston this past year) and the list goes on but those have been his main focuses for a while.  He really would love to travel and see some ancient historical sites someday. 

My eleven year old loves seeing how things are made and has had me writing down his invention ideas in a journal.  He is definitely a technology kid and likes coming up with ideas to solve problems.  He is already better at navigating his computer than I am!  He also loves making and altering recipes, has a fascination with geology and nature, loves online gaming with his friends and building with Legos. 

My eight year old has a very vivid imagination.  Just like his brothers, he also loves video games.  His most recent fascination is watching YouTube videos people have made relating to the games he enjoys playing.  He loves it so much that he asked for, and received, his own video camera for Christmas so he can record videos for his own YouTube channel.  He also loves swimming, going to the beach and visiting with his friends.

My five year old has loved horses from the time she started speaking!  She is also loves to dance, sing, paint, can hand sew already and loves being outside.  The most recent things she has discovered is Minecraft and a love for anything zombie related!

These are my short lists of their interests and as you can see there isn't a lot overlap!  Even though their personalities are just as different as their interests, they are very close to each other.

Logistically, as far as seeing that they can pursue their interests, I will admit it isn't always easy.  For example, I can't always just jump in the car and drag all of the kids to go antique store, steampunk supply, treasure hunting with my oldest.  There is a lot of compromise and working things out.  Sometimes that has meant bringing one of the kids to a class somewhere and figuring out a way to entertain the other three while we wait.  Sometimes it means that my husband and I need to split our efforts between the two of us.  One of us goes one way on a Saturday with a kid or two and one of us goes the other.  While most of our vacations have been taken together as a family, we have also planned trips where my husband took two of the kids to LegoLand in California or to New York City so they can get the most out of it.  While we take it one day at a time, it takes some foresight and planning.  We figure out what is best for us as a family as well as what best individually as we go along.

As you can see it's not an easy answer to a simple question!  If you would like me to elaborate more about anything above, don't hesitate to ask.  I have decided to make my next several blogs related to this topic.  The other questions I have received have been about handling personality differences and how my husband and I manage to pursue our own interests as well.  If there are any other questions, be sure to submit them!

I started blogging over a year ago a little unsure of what I would blog about or where it would lead me.  I had chosen the title “child-led parenting” because it really seemed to suit the kind of parent I have become over these past 14 years.  Simply put, the kind of parent I am is the result of my children showing me the kind of parent I have needed to be for each one of them.  I didn’t learn much from books, magazines, or other parents even; and especially not from my own parents.  In fact, I learned more about how not to do things through those sources.  It really wasn’t until I moved back to New England a couple of years ago that I have felt like I finally found my tribe of friends and other parents that I could not only relate to but I could learn from.  So I chose the label that felt best at the time.  For me, child-led described the type of parent I am perfectly.  Or so I thought…

For some reason, out of pure curiosity, I decided to Google “child-led parenting” to see what kind of definitions other people use for the phrase.  I was more than surprised.  I read things like how so and so’s kids were bratty and spoiled because they were being raised with child-led parenting.  I read so many more negative things, which I don’t care to rehash here, that it made me want to distance myself from the term.

I am not about pushing back against widely held beliefs, as you can tell by what I write about.  I believe that I can best serve parents by sharing my experiences and perspectives.  There are enough vocal people out there telling you what’s wrong with absolutely everything.  It doesn’t feel good to me to be one of them.  I would rather share what works and what feels right, and why.

It doesn’t matter that I believe if parents act like spoiled, bratty, selfish people then their kids will be that way.  It doesn’t matter that I believe if parents do not show self-control, then their kids won’t either.  No, what “I” believe doesn’t matter at all when it comes to labels.  What matters is what people already believe.  So I changed my title to “Intuitive Parenting Blog” because of what people choose to believe.


**Please note – For those of you that subscribed a while back and received this blog with the old title, I no longer have access to it to change it.  I would appreciate all of you going to www.theintuitiveparent.com and re-subscribing through either the rss feed button or if you prefer email, resubscribe through the field in the right column.  Thank you!

According to a CNNMoney article in 2010, "U.S. job satisfaction hits 22-year low" we really need a big reality check in how we are raising our children and preparing them for their income-earning years.

"Through both economic boom and bust during the past two decades, our job satisfaction numbers have shown a consistent downward trend," said Lynn Franco, director of the Consumer Research Center of The Conference Board, in a prepared statement.

"The drop in satisfaction over the past 22 years spans various aspects of employee life, including interest in work (down 18.9 percentage points) and job security (down 17.5 percentage points).  And employee satisfaction dipped across the board; workers in every age group and income levels showed a drop, but workers younger than 25 were the most unhappy in their jobs."

Don't you want better for your kids?

Where do we start?  I can tell you that blaming politicians, the economy or job market is not an accurate view of the situation.  Just looking at the stats, job satisfaction still decreased during years of economic prosperity.  We need to start at home.  We need to start with our own attitudes about occupation, work and income.  The simplest and most influential place to start changing our thinking is with our children.

We have all heard it before:  "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Now, just reading that questions conjures up feelings doesn't it?  Remember back to the times when you were asked this.  How did you feel?  If you were little, you confidently blurted out the profession that appealed to you at the time .... firefighter, ballerina, doctor, dentist, helicopter pilot, army guy.  With each of these declarations you know exactly how your parents, and other elders, felt about your answer.  They either thought it was "cute" or they got excited if it was a profession they approved of.  How do you think the attitudes you received shaped your answers over time?  How did it shape what you chose to study?  How did it change how you felt about what was expected of you?  Or did it shape a rebellion against these attitudes, even to the point where it was to your own detriment? 

I feel like I am stating the obvious here yet many of you have blurted out that same, or similar, question to your kids.  By your answers to what I asked above, can you honestly tell yourself this is a valid question?  Asking "What do you want to be when you grow up?" suggests that "you" aren't "anyone" until you are old enough to have a paying job.  Is that true?  Are your kids nobody?  That question in and of itself, I think, sets your kids up to be manipulated by the feelings you have about their answer as well as tells them know that you, their most trusted, closest, most important person in their life, has no idea who they are or what their strengths are.  The question is innocent enough, so we think, but it is said as if it is some right of passage we must all go through.

Again, I ask, don't you want better for your kids?

Here is what I suggest.  Next time that question comes across your mind stop and think about what you are really asking and most importantly why?  If your next thought is fear-based at all, go talk to another parent!  Do not put your own fears of your kids' future on them.  Your feelings are your responsibility, not theirs.  It is not their job to make you feel better.  I don't care how old they are either.  I guarantee you that the older they are, the more fears you have and the more this will cause arguments or your child just shutting down.

If you are really asking this question out of a general curiosity, I would suggest posing it only to yourself.  What is your child going to be when they grow up?  It's still a silly question, don't you think?  You don't know so how are they supposed to.  Why not ask things about what they are interested in right now.  Who knows... your taking interest may be all the encouragement they need to pursue a new passion or dream that will be fulfilling to them.  How many success stories start with a mention of an adult who took an interest in that kid's passion?

I believe our job as parents is to help our children discover everything they can about life and what makes them happy.  If they are allowed to explore and discover what their passions are... their passions, not passions that we find acceptable.... we help set them up for a successful life.  It is up to you to not set them up to be yet another person with an unsatisfying job.  You have a more powerful influence over your child's future than you realize.  Your job is to help them see who they are not who the world wants them to be. 

(If you can't see the photo slideshow in your RSS Feed, please go directly to my site at The Intuitive Parent to see them.)

Every single day in our house is different.  I know that’s hard for those who have no idea what homeschooling is about to comprehend.  Hopefully, after you see how things change and progress naturally, you will understand.  Thursday was a perfect example of how one thing just flows into the other and how learning is integrated into our lives.

The week had already begun a little off because I started to feel like I was coming down with a cold so I had to cancel daytime visits with friends.  This is one of the days that we had to cancel so we were home all day.  If we classically homeschooled, meaning "school at home" style, it would look like a schedule, with a list of tasks completed.   I will warn you this is long, because it ISN’T a schedule and, if you are an unschooler, this won’t surprise you. 

My day began at 7:15am, which is earlier than normal, but I wanted to be up to see our 13 year old, Jody, off to his homeschool Movie Club.  They are right in the middle of their 12 hour per day, 10 day shoot.  The kids have been involved in every single part of the process of making a movie.  From deciding the theme, writing and re-writing the script, auditioning for parts, costumes, sets, directing, videography, sound, lighting, directing, etc, etc, and using real equipment, each of the kids get a chance to be involved in every single job beginning to end.  I am SO very grateful for this club because Jody's passion is acting!

After Jody was off, I got myself ready for the day just in time for our other three who also decided to get up a little earlier than usual, at 8:00.  Colin, our 10 year old, jumped right into playing his MMOG game, Lego Universe.  Up until its release date, he was a Lego Universe Beta tester and has discovered more glitches.  Ethan, our 8 year old, was hanging out with him playing with his Bionicles.  And Keira, who is 4, decided it was a Dora The Explorer morning.

After a breakfast of multigrain toast, cantaloupe, and home-made lemonade, Ethan asked if we could make a new drink recipe.  If you have been following my blog long enough, you will remember that I released a book at the end of last year called The Herbal Beverage Book and the kids were my taste testers.  Ethan pulled out the rooibos and nettles and decided those were the two he wanted to use.  We measured the herbs and pure stevia (a natural sweetener); this is where I took the obvious opportunity to use this as a fun fractions lesson.   Ethan even named it – Bouncy Tea!

As soon as we were done with that, Keira noticed the teardrop crystal prism we have hanging in the window was sending rainbows all over the kitchen.  The kids made a game of finding as many rainbow pieces as they could.  Ethan wanted to know how the crystal did that so we talked about refraction and visited this website – Explain That Stuff!

By now Ethan wanted to get Colin off the computer so he decided to draw a bunch of arrows on pieces of orange paper that led from where Colin was, all the way downstairs to where he would hide.  When Colin found him they all played hide and seek.  While the boys did that, Keira brought me one of those learning dolls that have buttons, snaps, zippers and ties and asked me to show her how to tie the shoe again.  She’s getting it really quickly!

By now it’s about 10:00 and the kids are hungry again.  They all agreed on peanut butter and jelly!  (Organic, peanuts only and the same for the fruit spread.  No extra oils, sugars, etc.)  I have to say that this was a rare food day.  They normally do not all pick the same thing to eat!

After they were done, Keira was absolutely thrilled to receive her first piece of mail!  She got a Thank You card from her friend Zoe!  Keira had me buy a duplicate of a stuffed animal she wanted from the store to give to her.  This turned into a discussion about how great getting a Thank You makes you feel, even when the person thanked you at the time they received the gift.  This reminded Ethan that he needed to send some for his birthday party gifts.  He decided it would be a good day to work on them.

After that the kids wanted to make some popsicles with the lemonade we had.  We found some frozen raspberries and filled the molds for a snack for later. 

Since we seemed to be in a cooking mode already, Colin suggested that we take one of the raw snack recipes we had tried the week before and change the ingredients.  We made almond, peanut, cranberry, oat balls; which included more measuring, dividing fractions and figuring out the right combinations for the right consistency for the substituted ingredients.  The recipe included oats, shredded in the food processor, peanut butter, almond butter, raw honey and dried cranberries.  We put them in the fridge to set and the kids picked at them the rest of the day.

Colin had to run back upstairs to take screenshots of the glitches he found in Lego Universe so we could compose emails for each one a little later.  Since I wasn’t feeling very well, we watched Spongebob for a bit in front of the fire and the kids made comments about how Squidward was not very nice and Mr. Krabs was so cheap, even to his own daughter.  They like Spongebob and silly Patrick though.

After the episode was over, I decided to pull out the book Stone Soup since it has been a while since I had read it to them.  We read it and the kids asked about any words they didn’t know – like scholar, famine, seamstress and merchant.  When I had started to read it I had pointed out the picture of the Great Wall of China in the illustration.  Colin asked more about it.  How long is it?  Where exactly is it on the map?  And the questions kept coming so I grabbed my netbook and we visited these websites: Kidspast.com, Google images search for the Great Wall of China and Ancient China for Kids.

12:30 Lunch!  The kids decided on pasta, Bouncy Tea and the popsicles they had made.  Right after we were done eating, we picked a movie.  By now my throat and ears weren’t doing too well so I needed downtime!  The kids picked one of our favorites – Shark Boy and Lava Girl!

After the movie, I told the kids we needed to finish planning our vegetable garden and get a final decision on what we are going to grow so we can order the seeds.  We went back through the catalogs.  Then I opened my gardening books, since they have fantastic illustrations, to talk to them about how we need to plant everything.  I showed them what crop rotation and companion planting was about and the kids helped figure out where we need to put the seeds this year.

Next Keira wanted some one on one time with me so we played with her stuffed Care Bears while Ethan and Colin went back up to play Lego Universe together.  They both have accounts and wanted to help each other do something in the game.  After about an hour, I asked the kids if they wanted me to show them how to do watercolor painting like the illustrations in Stone Soup.

By now the kids were hungry, again!, and asked for pizza.  So we made pizza!

Keira then decided she wanted to watch Team Umizoomi and Ethan said he’d watch it with her.  Colin wanted me to show him how to use YouTube on the old iPhone dad gave him for Christmas; to use as an iTouch.  He wanted to be able to listen to Metroid music he could only find on YouTube.

By now I wanted to get the kids outside for some air even though it was pretty cold.  We bundled up, I grabbed the drill, tree taps and buckets and we went out to tap maple trees.  After doing that and playing outside for a while, the kids were getting cold and hungry so we went in for dinner.  My husband had left by now to go pick up Jody from Movie Club, so I just fed the three of them.  Tonight they asked for spaghetti tacos.

After dinner, I sat down with Colin and we emailed those screenshots over to my computer so we could compose emails to the Lego Universe tech support team.  (We are very happy to say that the glitches were fixed by the next morning!)  The other two watched Avatar - The Last Airbender, the tv series, while we did that.

The kids were getting sleepy around 9;00 and so, after their typical giggling and messing around for a half hour, I made sure they had brushed their teeth.  In the meantime, I put on some dinner for John and I, and put some extra on for Jody even though I knew John had brought him a pizza on his way to the shoot tonight.  Just as the kids were getting settled down, at 9:45, Jody gets home with John.  Keira fell asleep on the couch while we ate. 

I got to talk to Jody for a little while after that since I had to remove his movie make up; using my moisturizer because I keep forgetting to get remover.  We also had to do a little costume repair because he was acting again the next day.  He got to bed at 11pm and John and I very soon after.

There you have it.  No two days are ever the same and this day was a perfect example of how the kids are always learning.  And in case I get the question from someone who really thinks it matters, they do close to 100% on their year-end standardized testing.  But we ALL know those tests don't measure ANY of the learning the kids really did.  That's a topic for another day!

I’m not a classical homeschooler because…

I have tried math curriculums that were continuous repetition, year after year, of the same sort of material in the most removed from life way possible.

I tried a phonics & reading homeschool co-op with my 2nd born, and it was no different than school where he didn’t get much individualized attention, even though there were only a handful of kids, so I pulled him from it even though I had already paid.

I purchased a science curriculum and saw how disjointed it was in teaching units as if “science” disciplines were all separate, so I returned it.

I purchased a history curriculum and had to filter out propaganda and fill in missing details which meant I had to redo the lessons the night before I started.

I wanted to have time to teach them basic life skills that all of the above would have prevented me from doing if I strictly followed the classical approach.

I wanted to be able to allow them as much time as they need to pursue their own interests and develop their own strengths and no curriculum is the perfect fit for that.

I could go on with how I discovered this wasn't a good fit for us but I completely support you if that is what you feel is best for your family.

I’m not an un-parenting unschooler because…

I don’t think it’s up to them if they brush their teeth or not.

I learned as much as I can about food and health that I don’t think it’s ok for them to eat as much junk as they want.  I teach them about what’s in their food and where it comes from, purchase only the best and say “No” at the checkout when they ask for candy… usually.

I know how much sleep each of them requires to feel good and be healthy.   I know which ones won’t sleep in to compensate no matter how late they go to bed.  I know that my oldest takes after my husband and I and can easily stay up all night, losing track of time, and will miss on out the things he wants to do.  I refuse to set him up for the harsh, “tough love” life lesson of letting him miss out. 

I choose to teach each of them about things like history, religions of the world, science, literature, how to manage money, and much, much more using whatever sources I need, in a way that each of them can get excited about and in a way that each of them can understand at each of their own development levels and learning styles.

I choose to expose them to things that they may not necessarily choose for themselves because they are too young to know anything about it and most often they really enjoy the new experiences or learning that resulted.

These are at least some of my reasons why un-parenting unschooling doesn’t work for us, but I completely support you if that is what you feel is best for your family.  I believe following what's best for you is part of your own unique process.

So what am I?  I am a mom that chose to give our kids the kind of life and the kind of learning opportunities I feel they deserve; all of which fits their personalities, development levels and learning styles.  No one loves them or wants the best for them more than my husband and I do.  I choose to not follow anyone’s prepackaged plan for raising our children.  One size will never fit all and I am grateful to live in a country where that is possible.

    Intuitive parenting isn’t a method or style of parenting where I can give an outline or clear definition of “Here’s what you do…” and then you go do it.  Instead, it is parenting in partnership with your child according to your child’s unique personality.  It is based upon being connected to your child not only through your relationship with them but also through keeping tuned in to who they are as individuals.  It encompasses their likes, dislikes, learning styles, and subtle nuances of who they are that only you can know.

     A large part of being an intuitive parent also takes into account your OWN personality as a parent.  You not only need to know your children but you just as importantly need to know yourself and be tuned in to your own feelings.  If you learn how to do that, you can more easily discern how much of your parenting is pre-programmed through fear or unresolved issues from your own life and how much of how you parent is truly in the best interest of your child.  For example, if you know what your fears are then you can rationally process them.  If you are unaware of them, you can more easily fall into thinking that someone besides you has all of your parenting answers.

     Intuitive parenting is different in that it takes parenting to a level that doesn’t fall under some preset guidelines or rules.  It is constantly self-directed by your own intentions and focus.  It’s never too late to start either!  Even if up until now you have followed more of a detached parenting style, you still know more about your child than anyone else does.  Pick up from what you know right now.  It doesn’t matter if you didn’t breastfeed, co-sleep or have an immediate attachment to your baby or if you followed or didn't follow Attachment Parenting or similar methods.  What matters is your desire to be more connected in your relationship starting today.



 

We went to see one of the Music as a Weapon shows in Portland, Maine last night and were fortunate enough to go as Guests because of my husband’s tie to the music industry and the people he has had the pleasure of getting to know over the years.  I am just lucky enough to have been able to meet some of these people as well; musicians, engineers, producers, tour managers and other industry folks.  From our time spent hanging out with the guys from Sevendust, the night was such an important reminder to me of how I want to show the kids that the most fulfilling way to live is with passion.

We have met a lot of people from a variety of different bands over the years, and the guys from Sevendust still stand out as being some of the most passionate musicians I’ve been around. Listening to Sevendust’s guitarist John Connolly speak with my husband (who’s also a guitarist) about guitar gear, alternate tunings, and song writing, it was clear how much love he has for what he does each day.   The band’s dedication to what they do also shows through how incredibly appreciative they are of their fans.  It’s one thing to be on stage and say “Thanks for coming!” and another to take a moment to personally thank you for your support, speak with you and give you an autograph or photo op.  These guys treat their fans with the utmost respect only to say how blessed they are to be doing what they love to do.  They give every single performance 110% and last night was a testament to that.   Although they have eight studio albums to their name, they remain true to their music, and that is exactly what their fans love about them.

The night was a reminder that I want my kids to see that the way to live your life is by doing what you love because you enjoy it and not because your only goal is to try to get to a certain destination – particularly fame, money and tons of “friends.”  Most importantly, last night was a reminder to love what you do so much you just have to share it with everyone.