At a time when people seem to be obsessed with experts, how do you become your own?  It takes time and focus but it can be done.  Depending on how much effort you put into it, it can even be life changing.

First, you need to know yourself and be honest with yourself.  Have you ever followed someone else’s advice that didn’t feel right but you pushed through it anyway?  You need to really FEEL your truth not just talk yourself into someone else’s.  That is one of the most common ways that I have seen people do something that they really knew wasn’t best for them.  They ignored their inner truth and thought that having a positive outlook would make everything all better.  Don’t fake it!  If you have ideals and goals that are important to you, don’t let anyone talk you out of them.

You need to be patient with yourself and check in with yourself often.  If you can be in the habit of constantly checking in with yourself you can make course corrections as you go along.  Have you ever had an experience where you realized you made a big mistake, corrected it and then realized that you had little signs along the way but you ignored them?  Correcting the little mistakes along the way is a lot easier than trying to fix a big one at a much later time.  Unfortunately, a big fix often results in people making that big mistake all over again because they don’t go back and do the work on themselves regarding the whys and hows of the little things they kept ignoring.

You need to take responsibility for yourself and not do only what feels good to you in the moment.  For some, doing what feels good in the moment means ignoring or running away from the problem.  People turn to un-parenting, divorce, quitting their job, keeping unsupportive friends, etc. often when what they really need to do is find a way to work on what got them there in the first place.  The urge to fix something is only too easy to satisfy.  You have heard “Wherever you go, there you are.”  Running away or pretending it doesn’t exist by shutting down is not going to fix anything.

You need to be open to being wrong.  Now this doesn’t mean you need to be self-deprecating by sharing every mistake you make with the world.  It just means allowing yourself to be imperfect.  You are allowed to change your mind!  Sometimes you can’t see the big picture yet.  When you start seeing where things are going you can make adjustments along the way.  Sometimes you need to feel your way into a new point of view.  Don’t pressure yourself into finding the perfect solution now.  It will most likely evolve.

The one thing I ALWAYS go back to when I talk to anyone about this topic, is to keep focusing, and refocusing, on what you want.  Sometimes that’s a moving target.  You may realize that what you thought you wanted isn’t really what you truly want on the way there.  It’s ok to change your mind and retune it.  Don’t force yourself to get there but do at least one thing every day that will help you keep you moving in that direction.

Becoming your own expert doesn’t happen overnight.  You can’t take a course and become certified.  You have to make the commitment to yourself to do it.  You need to become extremely self-aware.  I also want you to understand that in the process you will be slowly redefining your relationships, but if done authentically and patiently there is no reason that the shifts that take place can’t be positive ones.

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According to a CNNMoney article in 2010, "U.S. job satisfaction hits 22-year low" we really need a big reality check in how we are raising our children and preparing them for their income-earning years.

"Through both economic boom and bust during the past two decades, our job satisfaction numbers have shown a consistent downward trend," said Lynn Franco, director of the Consumer Research Center of The Conference Board, in a prepared statement.

"The drop in satisfaction over the past 22 years spans various aspects of employee life, including interest in work (down 18.9 percentage points) and job security (down 17.5 percentage points).  And employee satisfaction dipped across the board; workers in every age group and income levels showed a drop, but workers younger than 25 were the most unhappy in their jobs."

Don't you want better for your kids?

Where do we start?  I can tell you that blaming politicians, the economy or job market is not an accurate view of the situation.  Just looking at the stats, job satisfaction still decreased during years of economic prosperity.  We need to start at home.  We need to start with our own attitudes about occupation, work and income.  The simplest and most influential place to start changing our thinking is with our children.

We have all heard it before:  "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Now, just reading that questions conjures up feelings doesn't it?  Remember back to the times when you were asked this.  How did you feel?  If you were little, you confidently blurted out the profession that appealed to you at the time .... firefighter, ballerina, doctor, dentist, helicopter pilot, army guy.  With each of these declarations you know exactly how your parents, and other elders, felt about your answer.  They either thought it was "cute" or they got excited if it was a profession they approved of.  How do you think the attitudes you received shaped your answers over time?  How did it shape what you chose to study?  How did it change how you felt about what was expected of you?  Or did it shape a rebellion against these attitudes, even to the point where it was to your own detriment? 

I feel like I am stating the obvious here yet many of you have blurted out that same, or similar, question to your kids.  By your answers to what I asked above, can you honestly tell yourself this is a valid question?  Asking "What do you want to be when you grow up?" suggests that "you" aren't "anyone" until you are old enough to have a paying job.  Is that true?  Are your kids nobody?  That question in and of itself, I think, sets your kids up to be manipulated by the feelings you have about their answer as well as tells them know that you, their most trusted, closest, most important person in their life, has no idea who they are or what their strengths are.  The question is innocent enough, so we think, but it is said as if it is some right of passage we must all go through.

Again, I ask, don't you want better for your kids?

Here is what I suggest.  Next time that question comes across your mind stop and think about what you are really asking and most importantly why?  If your next thought is fear-based at all, go talk to another parent!  Do not put your own fears of your kids' future on them.  Your feelings are your responsibility, not theirs.  It is not their job to make you feel better.  I don't care how old they are either.  I guarantee you that the older they are, the more fears you have and the more this will cause arguments or your child just shutting down.

If you are really asking this question out of a general curiosity, I would suggest posing it only to yourself.  What is your child going to be when they grow up?  It's still a silly question, don't you think?  You don't know so how are they supposed to.  Why not ask things about what they are interested in right now.  Who knows... your taking interest may be all the encouragement they need to pursue a new passion or dream that will be fulfilling to them.  How many success stories start with a mention of an adult who took an interest in that kid's passion?

I believe our job as parents is to help our children discover everything they can about life and what makes them happy.  If they are allowed to explore and discover what their passions are... their passions, not passions that we find acceptable.... we help set them up for a successful life.  It is up to you to not set them up to be yet another person with an unsatisfying job.  You have a more powerful influence over your child's future than you realize.  Your job is to help them see who they are not who the world wants them to be.