Last night, as some of you already know, I attended a writing teleclass conducted by Kerri Richardson; the same writing coach as the in-person workshop I went to last month.  Even though the first class helped me immensely, I still have some blocks I need help with.  I emailed a few of the blocks I have been recently running into and was looking forward to getting some inspiration for dealing with them.

(As a side note, her next month’s class topic is on blogging so check it out http://kerririchardson.com/get-help-from-kerri/#online.) 

      I realized last night that the blocks I thought I was stuck on really aren’t holding me back as much I thought.  Yeah, finding the time has been a biggie, but as you see I have been managing somehow.  Even as I have been sitting here, my 3 year old grabbed my writing notebook and is doodling next to me, copying mommy, and giving me a few moments to write this.  I think the kids already realize that this is important time for mom and it doesn’t take that long.  I don’t think I realized what my biggest problem was until Kerri mentioned running away from a part of your project and looking at why.  That hit me like a brick and it was obviously what I needed to hear.

      You see, my true desire is to write my story and there are several of you that know some of it.  Over the years I have had friends that I have told it to and their responses have usually been “You should write a book.” (And once I even got “That sounds like a Dr. Phil Show story.”  Uh…  No thanks!)  I have sat down countless, and I mean countless times, completely driven and inspired to write about it.  By the time I would get a page or two done, I would be either in tears or completely pissed off and they would usually just end up in the trash.  I understand that this has been my process, a pretty unfruitful one at that, but I didn’t realize why I couldn’t get any further, at ten whole years later!

      All of this time I was judging myself for not getting any further, even to the point of thinking I just needed to be one of those all-forgiving, let it all go, forgive and forget types.  I just needed to live in the moment and not “let the past define me”.  I don’t know about you but my past has made me the kind of parent I am today, and the kind of spouse and friend I am as well.  The lessons I can share about what I have gone through are valuable.  I have known that yet I was still unable to write about them.

      Last night I realized that the “why” of running away from writing it down wasn’t because of some flaw with me but with my support system.  I have been Mrs. Independent, super homeschooling mom of four, growing our own organic garden, who can even rebuild a car engine type of gal!  Me?  Need help from someone besides my husband?

      So, yes… I admit it.  I need a personal support system to write this book.  I need to be able to write a few pages and NOT toss them in the trash but give them to someone to read so I have the courage to keep going.  I know my reconnecting with a few of my oldest friends since moving back to New England is going to help.  And I have been incredibly fortunate to have met some really great new friends in the past year.  Maybe deep down, it is because of the new support I now have that I can feel like I am ready to do this.