Am I the only one that is turned off by the phrase “teaching tolerance”?  Doesn’t that phrase suggest that you tolerate something you disagree with or think is wrong?  The word acceptance, when it’s used in the context of accepting differences between people, isn’t much better.  The word acceptance means that you can’t change it, as if you had a right to feel like you should in the first place.  It also means that you believe something should be different than how it is, so you have to just accept that it can’t be the way you want it. 

      Is there ever a case where we need to teach tolerance or acceptance?  Maybe… I lived in the South for over a decade and I can say that when it came to some of my religious neighbors, I had to learn to tolerate.  I personally don’t care what a person chooses to believe or not believe but when they openly judge you for not being on the spiritual path they are on, and in front of your kids, which really pushes a button with me, then that was definitely a case where I had to learn to appreciate their passion and try to teach my kids the same.

      I don’t think we should teach our kids to tolerate being treated badly.  Nor should we teach them to negatively judge someone’s life path or choices as things they have to accept, as if that person’s choices have anything to do with them.  Instead, I choose to educate my kids about the differences among people.  I teach them the simple lessons of love as opposed to hate.  I also teach them that even the people that do bad things need compassion because there is always a reason that someone does something bad and that they didn’t, or couldn’t, seek the help they needed when they should have.  In doing so, I hope that they can appreciate uniqueness in not only others but in themselves as well. 

 


Comments

Jane
02/26/2012 8:11pm

Homeschooling can bring out the best and the worst in people. Single parents in particular find that they are bully magnets in homeschool groups. It's not that everyone does it. It's just that everyone tolerates it. And, it can be unrelenting. The social isolation, false rumors, incessant unsolicited and frankly foolish advice, and so on can be a huge drain and affect the children as well. I was bullied by a mom whose daughters turned into bullies. I finally told her that I was a teacher and was trained to detect and prevent child abuse and that I'd seen the bruises on her girls hands that they attributed to her hitting them. I offered me help in learning more positive ways to work with them. She never spoke to me again. I really should have turned them in, but I noticed there were never visible bruises again.

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Jane
02/26/2012 10:19pm

My last post may have been on the wrong page. But, let me respond to this topic of tolerance vs. acceptance.

Both terms have their limitations. I prefer to use the term respect. I use it in terms of treating people with respect regardless of their differences.

I do not teach that all beliefs are equally correct or acceptable, but there is a difference between feeling that a belief is wrong and bullying a person who has that belief.

A lot of this has to do with boundaries. It's not appropriate to treat someone different at work because they are gay and you are not. But, it's not appropriate for them to assume they are being treated differently due to that. Stick to what youj're supposed to be doing and don't make that an issue.

Or, let's say two friends have opposite views on abortion. This is a very serious topic, not just a petty preference. But, if they talk about it, it should be respectfully, talking about facts and feelings but not attacking or bullying.

Here's another one. I had a friend sho had AIDS from her husband who had used drugs many years before they met and didn't know he had it. So, she was pretty sick, and my son and I visited her and stayed with her. She began to get sores in her mouth and would take the dish towel and put it in her mouth to absorb the fluid. I asked her not to do that because she then used the towels to dry produce or towels. She became angry and demanded that I read a long study on the internet. I told her I understand that there are only certain ways that it's been proven that HIV can be passed, but I had not ever stopped giving her hugs or spending time around her. I simply wouldn't want to eat food or eat off dishes touched by a towel that had been in anyone's mouth. She didnt understand, so I privately told my son to only accept food from me, and I was able to wash the dishes separately and give him food out of cans I knew could not have been tainted. Whether or not HIV could be transmitted that way, it wasn't reasonable for her to expect me to accept that lack of sanitation. But, she was losing her faculties so I found a way to solve the problem without taking a risk I wasn't sure was nonexistent.

Basically, boundaries work both ways. I don't abuse you, and you don't abuse me. We are kind or at least neutral to each other.

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Robin Whitcore link
03/23/2012 1:00pm

This is exactly it, Jane!

"I do not teach that all beliefs are equally correct or acceptable, but there is a difference between feeling that a belief is wrong and bullying a person who has that belief."

Some things are plain wrong (like abuse, for example) and some are just different ways of doing things. We need to demonstrate the difference between discernment and negative judgment. Thanks for your comments!

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Robin Whitcore link
03/23/2012 1:04pm

And as for your being bullied by grown women, I have seen it too and it is disgusting. The kids unfortunately tend to follow right in their parents' tracks. I have a huge problem with the people who turn away when they witness it and don't say anything, and even continue to be friends with people like that. They are just as bad as the bully for supporting them. If we don't stand up to adult bullies how are we ever going to change the rampant bullying of children. It seems like an endless cycle.

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