I really like writers who write just to write.  Not for an audience.  Not to get blog traffic.  Not to impress others.  They write because they feel something they want to share.  There are a couple of my blogs that I have written that people absolutely loved, evidenced by their personal emails to me, and yet “I” knew that they weren’t written for me.  They were written because I had set a goal for myself to write a blog that day and I didn’t want to publish something people wouldn’t like. 

      Well, I got what I asked for!  While I am appreciative that people liked the blogs, I was kicking myself for publishing them in the first place.  The positive reinforcement for writing something that wasn’t authentically who I was actually irritated me because I knew I was just betraying myself.  I’m not some gushy writer who loves to illustrate using generalizations and symbolism.  While I do like reading other people that enjoy writing like that, I have had a very ‘real’ life and writing about anything not down to earth, tangible and even a little gritty, just isn’t me.  So I decided to take some time off of blogging. 

      Since my last blog a month ago, I decided that a lot of things were getting out of my control and keeping me from being creative.  Not only my blogs, but a lot of other things were influencing me, instead of me influencing them.  I didn’t like the direction my book was taking yet I was convincing myself that I was just being too critical at the time and to just go with something I wasn’t going to be happy with.  A lot of other little things were becoming overcomplicated distractions and I needed time to simplify.  I needed to even simplify things in my house.  I was tired of walking by stuff that made me feel some sort of negative emotion, however small, and it got beyond annoying when those dozen or so things multiplied daily and I could never seem to catch up. 

      So I am back.  I refocused and completely reorganized my book to a vision of something I would actually want to buy instead of the repetitive mess it was.  I still have more brainstorming to do but I am totally happy with the direction now.  I reprioritized my personal life to include a babysitter that my kids love, and that my husband I appreciate as well since we are now able to go out and have adult time for the first time in four years.  There are still a few more things I need to start scheduling time for but I am finally listening to myself and not letting other things or meaningless obligations dictate my life.  I have four kids and a marriage (and my best friend, aka husband) that I am totally dedicated to so if something isn’t a positive influence on my life, it goes!

      Is there something in your life that needs to go too?  Get real!  Join me.