I have a very special offer that I want to share with all of my blog followers:  For the next twelve days, I am offering my book at a discount!  (If you aren't sure which book I am talking about, and the story behind it, you can visit my blog titled The Results of Our Herbal Learning from a year ago.)  You can get my book for only $9.95 which will be signed by me and shipped for free!!  I am also offering free gift wrap if you want to ship it directly to friends and family!  To order, please visit The Herbal Beverage Book site.  Happy Holidays!!

I am grateful to have the freedom to homeschool our children and help them learn different things on an ongoing basis.  Our most recent experience with this has been in the area of music. 

As my longtime readers know, we are a pretty musical family.  (If you are a new subscriber, here are a couple of my husband's band's music videos that I have shared before -

Adrenaline Addiction
Under Pressure - Cover

Each of our kids have had varying degrees of musical interest.   They have the opportunity to play with various instruments we have around the house – a piano, my old flute, smaller sized electric and acoustic guitars and a full size drum kit.  Our youngest likes to sing and needs her own microphone if she’s hanging with us when we practice.  Our oldest had expressed interest in taking piano lessons when he was about seven.  He has also performed on stage in musical productions.  Recently, he has been expressing interest in learning how to play the guitar.

Now you would think this would be a no-brainer.  We bought him his own electric guitar and mounted a hangar for it on the wall in his room.  We set him up with some video lessons and a couple of basic books to refer to.  On top of that we figured since my husband has been playing guitar for so long and I have some classical guitar lessons behind me, we’d have it covered.  That all makes sense, right?  We were so wrong!

We were assuming he’d just jump right in, be motivated to do it and ask us for help if he needed it.  Weeks went by and the guitar hadn’t been touched more than a few times.  When I asked him if he liked the video lessons he said he did but I still didn’t see right away why he just wasn’t running with it if he really wanted to play. 

After some consideration, I realized we apparently forgot that with some things he really enjoys learning through direct interaction.  It turns out that this would be one of those things!  The videos just weren’t interactive enough and couldn’t replace an in-person human teacher for him.  I also realized that just because we are musicians doesn’t automatically mean we know how to break it down simply enough for a beginner to learn without getting frustrated; not to say we didn’t try!  We had a bit of our own egos to swallow to admit this but once we did, it was easy to figure out the next step. 

My husband and I enjoy going out to see live bands and have started to get to know who’s who locally.  We discovered that one of the guitarists we have seen live that we liked just happened to also offer lessons.  We signed him up and he is doing really well.  While we understood that it is most important that the teacher not only enjoys playing the type of music he wants to play and can play it well, it is just important that he must be someone that our son enjoys learning from.   Thankfully we chose right!

I posted this one on 10/28/2010 realizing people need to know that what they do and who they are matters.  Let's spread the gratitude this season by creating a new grassroots, really meaningful tradition!!  Pass it on!!
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With Halloween almost here and Thanksgiving right around the corner, I have felt myself shift focus toward the next holiday a lot sooner than usual.  I really want to make Thanksgiving extra special this year.  I had an idea a couple of years ago on just how to do that but I haven't gotten around to it yet.  I think this year is the year!

Several months ago I reconnected with someone from high school.  We had lost touch in college and I had always wondered how she was doing.  Last I had seen her was when my father was battling Leukemia; during the last half of my high school years.  While it was very tough on me, I found that many of my friends didn't know what to say.  In hindsight, I can understand that they just didn't know how to handle it and, frankly, how many teenagers would.  This one friend though, always knew when all I needed was a hug.  After reconnecting with her a few months ago, I was so happy to be able to tell her just how much her friendship had meant to me all those years ago.

After seeing how much she appreciated hearing that, I realized the idea I had a couple of years ago was something I needed to do.  People really need to hear meaningful words of encouragement more often.  They need to know that who they are makes a positive difference in someone's life.

Starting in the next couple of weeks I am going to start writing what I am calling my Thanksgiving Letters.  I am going to sit down and make a list of all of the people that have made a positive impact on my life in some way and take the time to write them a note to tell them that.  I plan on making this a yearly tradition and, hopefully, my sharing it here will encourage other people to do it too.

People love plans, formulas, labels and superficial studies.  We love the pretty little packages we can buy and don't have to analyze because they are convenient.  It's something we can buy and consume.  If it doesn't work out we can blame who sold it to us.  We don't have to take responsibility for not doing our due diligence if we don't want to.  This is no different when it comes to education.  We love to believe what we are told about what works and what doesn't.  Have you stopped to notice that the favorable "evidence" in support of the status quo only points to economics and never includes any point of reference to feelings of long term personal fulfillment or happiness? 

I have been trying to keep all of this in mind lately especially during my recent temporary moments of panic.  My oldest homeschooling child is now fourteen!  This declaration is something I am not taking lightly.  It's hitting me in the same way I think it hits a lot of other homeschoolers.  My son is officially a highschooler!!!  I am starting to understand why some homeschoolers get scared and send their kids to high school.  

I have had my days of panic and uncertainty before.  Are the kids learning enough?  Am I doing everything I can to help them reach their full potential?  It's certainly harder to face these questions when all of the responsibility is on me.  I can't point fingers at a school system or certain teachers.  How many are brave enough to really, honestly take that responsibility whether their kids are in a school system or not?

My only educational point of reference is my own.  I attended a private high school and had more intense classes with double the homework than I had in college.  I also had to work part time; mostly for free in order to compensate for my high school tuition.  I also look at the family histories that my husband and I have.  Both sides are full of professional artists, engineers, entrepreneurs, lawyers and white-collar employees.  How do I go from that history to this moment of uncharted territory for us?  The beliefs that were instilled in me tell me that if the kids aren't well "trained" they will struggle and become victims of the system.  It's hard to deprogram these messages when you are still surrounded by them.

I have heard very mixed results from those that have homeschooled through high school.  The funny thing is I have heard just as mixed, if not worse, results from kids that went through the traditional route too.  No matter which path you want to go, neither is a formula for guaranteed success.

I have written about this before in “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  High school kids graduating with honors, speaking three languages and having full resumes of achievements are a dime a dozen.  What aren’t very common are young adults who stand out because they have something that drives them and lights their direction.  This is when I look at how many in our families haven’t felt fulfilled no matter what their paychecks were like.

One of the advantages of having a decent amount of adult life behind me is that I can also look at the life experiences of my friends and colleagues.  I have over twenty years of real life examples right in front of me.  Having the maturity to see the big picture of these people’s lives is a great advantage!  Who is truly happy, who isn’t and most importantly why?  Which ones had a mid-life crisis?  How many of these people are still trying to “find” themselves?  What can I do differently with my kids so they are set up for success and happiness in life? 

What I do know is that I want my kids to be independent, fulfilled and always confident that they can take care of themselves no matter what twists and turns life has in store for them.  I don’t want them living their life according to someone else’s formula, agenda, dogma or society’s expectations of them.  What I want most for them is to keep in touch with who they are and what makes them happy.

So with renewed confidence I am approaching our new high school homeschooling journey.  My son will be able to continue to follow the interests he is most passionate about, continue to build the strong friendships he has and always know that no matter what he chooses as his path in life, it is HIS path.  Hopefully, with a continued awareness of motivations behind his academic and life decisions, I can continue to guide him to live a productive, creative, fun and satisfying life.

Photo credit - Dean Terry

I have been struggling a bit with what kind of journey I want to take you all on with my blog.  After speaking with my husband last night I realized I am trying too hard.  What can I say?  Old habits die hard!  In my efforts to give you all some practical and thought provoking blogs, I have been straying a bit from who I am and my purpose.  I also realize it is because of my own fears.

I'm a homeschooling mom who prefers close relationships with my kids as opposed to detached ones.  But most importantly, I am psychic.  I blogged about this before in The Psychic Housewife - Yep, that's what she called me!  It has been so interwoven into my life that it is hard for me to remember that not everyone knows how to tune into their intuition, especially when it comes to parenting.  My abilities help me choose close friends that support me; when I really choose to listen to it!!  They help me figure out exactly how to integrate something I would like the kids to learn about into our lives in fun ways.  They help me figure out what is going on with my kids on a daily basis. 

I know there are skeptics out there, even among my current friends reading this.  All I have to say is start reading about the lives of the most successful people on the planet.  One of the things all of them talk about is using your intuition.  I believe that in order to be a successful parent you must learn to tune into your intuition in your home life as well.

Just as any skill is easier for some people than others, it doesn't mean that it can't be learned if someone really wants to.  The same thing applies to fine tuning your intuition.  What really challenges most parents, and I have been one of them, is being able to distinguish between pre-programmed reactions from your own past and the current situation with your kids.  It is only through constant practice and awareness that you can learn to start separating the two.  When you do, you can begin to not only become a better parent but can also start to heal negative influences from your own past and current situations.  What more could a parent ask for?!? 

How do you start the process?  It's pretty simple and requires absolutely no money out of pocket.  Get rid of all of your parenting books and magazines and be present with your kids.  Really get to know them!  Once you can do this you will start to pay more attention to how you are feeling and most importantly why.  Are your feelings based on fear that stems from external influences, past or present?  Or are they authentically in the present moment closely connected to who your child is?  If you can start making a constant habit of paying attention to that one question, you are well on your way to being the parent your child needs.

For a year and a half I have been blogging about parenting.  However the continued positive feedback I have received has been evenly split between those that are parents and those that aren't.  From heartfelt emails from teenagers to comments from single ladies in their thirties without children, I have seen that I have touched a much wider audience than I had ever expected to. 

My biggest surprise came last year when my husband called to tell me that a customer called him from out of state and asked if he was related to me.  The customer, of course, had some work related questions but wanted to mention that he and his wife had been thinking about school for their child and was able to find their own way with the help of a couple of things I had written about.  My blog was shared with them by someone in their local homeschool community.  Needless to say, I almost dropped my cell phone!

From that moment on I realized the true impact of anything I wrote about.  I also realized that my inner drive to keep writing was something I needed to honor by continuing to write.  With that said I have to admit I write a lot more than I post.  Most of it ends up sitting in a folder because I am unsure of whether or not it will serve the highest good of my readers.  My usual gauge is to note how I am feeling when I write it.  If it's not something I am nervously excited about then I know that's not my post for the day.  I understand the power of my words and I do not ever want to sway someone to do something that could change their or their child's life forever in any negative way.  Sure there are people out there just looking for any excuse to not take responsibility for themselves but I will not willingly put anything out there knowing that it may be easy fodder for someone like that.

In taking all of this into account I am starting a new writing journey.  I have wanted to write my own story for many years now but couldn't envision how it could help anyone.  About a month ago I had written a new About The Author where I shared a little more about who I am and how I became the parent I am today.  The emails started pouring in.  Little did I realize that my life experiences and what I learned from them were enough.  That is what drives me to continually be a better parent.  And that is what drives me to write.  And so my new journey begins where I take all of it and write about it not only for myself, but all of you who continue to inspire me to keep going.

On the morning of September 11, 2001, I was half asleep, nursing our one year old when the phone rang.  It was my mother in law calling us in Nashville to see if my husband was on a plane in the Northeast.  Since this was such a confusing question it took a minute to get past how frantic she was to find out why she was calling in such a state.  She had seen the news about the plane hitting the first tower.

After assuring her that there was no reason that my husband would have been on one of those flights and that he was home and totally fine, we turned on the news just in time to see the second plane hit the tower.  Little did we know that someone from the company my husband works for was on one of those planes.  Our first born, who was four at the time, must have heard our reactions because he came running into the room asking what was wrong. 

For a split second I was overcome with the urge to tell him what we just witnessed but I stopped myself.  I also realized that in that moment there must have been many other parents who felt that same urge, and without thinking, blurted out what they just saw.  Thankfully my husband and I were on the same page and we told him that there was something bad that we just saw on the news and that it would be ok.  It was just very sad.  There is nothing like the innocence of a child to remind you to be responsible.

In the years since then, we have only taught our kids about current events as long as they were pertinent to their lives.  Our oldest does know what happened on 911 but I waited to tell him until he had the emotional maturity to understand it.  I never wanted him or his siblings to live in fear due to what happened.

When I was in junior high, I remember a rash of kids in high school becoming depressed and feeling hopeless because they were shown The Day After, a movie about a small Kansas town after a nuclear holocaust.  This was a fictional movie created as a result of the tension that the Cold War had created and the emotional toll it took on these kids was one that no one would soon forget.  Clearly remembering how that affected so many teenagers has always dictated how we have relayed certain events to our kids. 

To this day, I fail to understand why there is a push for kids as young as kindergarten to learn about slavery never mind 9/11.  They don't have the emotional maturity to understand any of it.  Most adults don't even fully understand.  In fact, I wouldn't doubt that learning about violence in the adult world, now or in the past, affects some of children's attitudes and emotional development as they get older.  Although I don't watch the news anymore, I still continue to filter the things I do learn about to our children.  I am grateful that what they do learn about and how they learn it is totally in my control.

Photo credit - Sister72

Since it's the time of year where we are putting the final touches on our planning for the fall, I wanted to repost this from June.  It is just as important for you to schedule what you'd like to do for yourself.  This is just a reminder...

** If you'd like to see the original post and comments as well as the slideshow, please visit http://www.theintuitiveparent.com/1/post/2011/06/liberal-arts-living-ii.html.


June 24, 2011

This is my 2nd annual Liberal Arts Living blog.  I hadn’t planned on this being an annual thing but I decided that since I have done a whole lot more living since my blog a year ago, I wanted to share with all of you.  My only hope is that it will inspire you to get up and do something new.

Over the past year:

•  I decided to publish a book; which most of you know already.
•  I learned how to knit.
•  I learned how to sew wool felt playthings for my kids.
•  I learned how to get over my fear of singing in front of everyone.
•  I have learned about adding more raw food recipes to our family food choices.
•  I learned how to grow my own organic garden.
•  I am learning how to play the bass; something I have said I wanted to do since high school.
•  I made my first herbal tinctures.
•  And most recently, my husband, 14 year old son and I decided to participate in the NH 48 Hour Film Project.  We had to write, shoot, edit and complete a 5 to 7 minute mini-move with all work being done in the 48 hour period.

There are a lot of new things that are in the works for the next year but I will keep those under wraps until I actually do them.  A lot of them are new for me.  The ones I am most excited, as well as nervous, about are the ones where I will be out there helping other parents.

How does all of this fit into my parenting?  I am living the kind of life I want my kids to live.  A life not filled with “I always wanted to”s and “someday”s and certainly NOT “when the kids move out”s.  What kind of example would that be for them?  If I haven’t been always learning something new and actively pursuing my interests, I do fear what kind of message that would give my kids.
Would it tell my daughter that to be a stay at home mom is to be boring, or bored?  Would it tell my sons that their future wives couldn’t pursue what their interests were unless it were making an income?  Would it tell the kids that mom can’t start living her own life until they are out of the house?

Instead I am showing them that you can be an involved, loving parent with close relationships with your kids without smothering them or living your life vicariously through them.  I am showing them that parents need to feel fulfilled and it makes them better parents.  I am showing them, and go look this one up for yourselves, that the key to staying younger is to always learn something new.  I could sit here and just “tell” them about all of this, but actually doing it shows them that I would know what I was talking about if I did talk to them about it.

I hope I have inspired you to get up and just go do one new thing.  I don’t care what it is or how crazy it sounds!  There is no excuse good enough not to.  Would you do it if I told you your kid's future happiness depends on it?

Our homeschool community is relatively small, even though our numbers are in the millions now.  We need each other for support.  It is hard enough that the mainstream is pretty clueless when it comes to how we operate.  Not only do we have to rely on each other for moral support but we need each other for co-ops, field trips, classes, events and friends for our kids while all of the school kids are doing their thing.  I feel like I am stating the obvious here but hear me out.

I had mentioned to some of you on Facebook that my Anti-school homeschoolers... Enough already!!! blog was going to be my only rant for the year.  That one was WAY overdue and needed to be put out there.  After seeing the same theme year after year for fourteen years, everything I said needed to be said.  It apparently got through to a lot of people because I have had an overwhelming response not only through emails but through people coming up to me and telling me how much they appreciated it.  Most of them are homeschoolers!  So here's my second and last rant for a while.  And hopefully it doesn't come across so much as a rant but as a wake up call.  My judgment about anything is simply a reflective of what I have learned about what I have witnessed.

Here is what I have observed or have been told about that has happened in our homeschool community.  We have lived in six different communities up and down the East coast and I have seen much of this first hand.  Please bear with me.  This list may seem very negative but I wanted to call attention to some behaviors that I feel continue to hurt our cohesiveness.

Believe me, this is almost as painful to type as it has been to witness:

~  Homeschoolers giving advice that crossed the line of ethical behavior.  You really don't want to know...

~  Homeschool parents setting up groups that claim to be inclusive then making anyone they don't completely agree with feel uncomfortable so they leave.

~  Homeschool group leaders setting up field trips then literally turning their backs to any newcomers present at said field trips.

~  Homeschool interviews conducted by other homeschoolers which sounded objective then interviewers turning passive aggressive after the interview was over.

~  Very public blowouts posted on blogs - and shockingly still posted months, even years later - between homeschoolers that many in the community look up to.

~  Articles or blogs that are reformulated, ripped off of and reposted.  Yes, sometimes it's blatantly obvious!

~  Homeschoolers fighting over the best answers to questions on support boards.  Those that have named themselves authorities being the worst offenders at either online bullying or ignoring questions from anyone but people they agree with.

Do I really need to keep going?  You all know exactly what I am talking about and what I could continue to list.  But wait!!!  Is this not the type of behavior that some of you complain about being wrong with traditional schools?  Sure your kids may be getting a top of the line education but is this type of environment any better than "schoolyard" behavior?  In many ways I think it's worse!  We have full control of the learning environment we set up for our kids.  We have control over the type of community we want as well.  The worse part about it all is that it is divisive.  Don't you realize that newcomers into the community get filled in very quickly about any of the goings on?  I have been one of those newcomers more times than most and I have to tell you if you think that just because something happened a while ago everyone forgot about it and moved on, think again!

I understand things happen.  We disagree.  We live and hopefully learn from our mistakes.  Some of you may be reading this feeling pissed off that I let the whole world know that homeschoolers are people too and that some do continue the same stupid behavior they learned in school.  Others may feel justified because someone finally is pointing out the elephant in the room. 

If something happened in the past, do you still owe someone an apology?  Is there a blog or two you should really take down?  And if you misjudged someone, can you move on and be kind to them?  I understand that there are always going to be negative and divisive people.  I also understand that sometimes people don't know how to resolve conflict and think that ignoring what happened is going to make it all okay.  This isn't just in our homeschooling circles.  It's elsewhere as well.

The one thing that having both of my parents die in their forties has taught me is that life is too short!  If we can't all be great friends, let's at least diffuse some of the negativity the best we can.  Let's be cohesive and supportive of each other.  Let's give our kids the best community we can.  Don't they deserve it?

I realize that when you read the title above, you were thinking about words like "obedience" or children being well-mannered in saying things such as "please" and "thank you".  In this case, when I speak of respectful and well-behaved I am talking about children who don't feel like they are in constant competition for attention or things.  I am also talking about children that do not parrot superficial words of appreciation or apology.  Children that are respectful and well-behaved, in my opinion, are those that genuinely care about the people around them and who are content most of the time.  Now that you understand what I am referring to as far as definitions go, here is what I have learned from my own children.

First of all, kids learn respect for other human beings first and foremost through how they are treated by the adults in their life.  How you relate to your children and treat them is the first influence they have.  Do you feel like you treat your kids respectfully?  Do you really listen to what they think and how they feel without judging them?  Or do you constantly try to control how they feel?  Do you put your own feelings first?  Do you make them feel like their feelings don't matter by having a "well, that's too bad" attitude?  Do you shame them by telling them they are wrong or immature?  If you can honestly say that at least most of the time you listen to your children and show them that you value how they feel, then you are on the right track.  You have shown them that their emotional needs are just as important as yours.

But wait.... If you stop here, you are only teaching your children half of what they need to know!!  You have definitely shown your children that they deserve respect.  You have also shown them how to give it within the confines of your family dynamic.  You will sabotage all of your efforts if you don't apply the same modeling behavior to all parts of your life.

The second area of your life I'd like you to look at is how you respect or disrespect yourself.  How do you talk about yourself?  Do you pick yourself apart?  Do you have a hard time accepting compliments?  Do your relationships include respecting yourself enough to be able to receive as much as you give?  Do you give to others to the point where you aren't taking care of yourself?  On the other side of the coin, are you so focused on yourself that you don't pay any attention to having healthy friendships?  Do you have only friends that are your followers who are always giving to you in order to get your attention?  Do you always make everything about yourself when it comes to other people?  How you behave in all of these areas is how your kids are going to be conditioned to behave as well.

The last area, which is just as important as the others, is how you talk about and treat other people, especially those you may not agree with.  Watch your language carefully and really listen to how you talk about other people.  Do you cheer on other people's nastiness when you agree with their point of view?  Are you in the habit of talking about others from a place of jealousy, judgment or downright hatred?  Do you gossip about others just for the sake of gossiping and picking them apart?  Do you know when to walk away gracefully from someone who may not treat you well or do you put your ego first and argue because being right is more important to you than being kind?  I have noticed that the more grace and understanding I show to others, the more grace and understanding my kids have as well. 

Your kids will learn from you in ALL of these areas whether you want them to or not.  Are you behaving in a way that you would want your kids to behave?